"You're cutting hearts from paper"

During these past weeks I just forgot about me.
I heard some worrying news from my friend and it felt like someone had just hit me in the stomach. Everything else felt so meaningless. Every struggle I’ve ever had - nothing. I felt awfully foppish and small worrying about my weight and attitude while she was going through something awful.
If I had only known.

I guess we all lose our faith sometimes. It hits some of us harder than the others. You just have to stand up and look your fear in the eyes. Face it.

Now that I feel hurt for my friend, there’s no reason for me to not wallow in self-pity.
Today alone.
I haven’t made that much of progress and I’m getting setbacks every other day. I feel like everyone’s there to get me; when someone offers me an ice cream and I turn it down, someone’s suggesting that we should go and eat some junk food. Hello, I’m trying to change my life here.
I guess I haven’t made that clear enough.

I’m working in a clothing store for now, I was asked to step in as a replacement. It’s an okay job, the working atmosphere is positive and the people are all very pleasant.
It’s just the fact that I usually work alone in the backroom and I can only keep my hands busy - my mind, on the other hand, has way too much free time. I’m constantly pondering about my life and my relationship, about me. I ask these questions almost unwittingly and find answers I wouldn’t like to know.

Plus, my vacation is almost over and I feel like I’ve got nothing done. Nothing!
Soon I’ll be sitting on a school bench, trying to keep my eyes open during a math class. I have to make a difference before that. I need to change, because now it should be easier than ever. In school everything just gets twice as hard.

I’m strongly contemplating about going outside, walking or so. It’s + 25 (Celsius degrees - which is something like 77 Fahrenheit) degrees out there, so for a Finn, that’s hot.
Well, you have to do, what you have to do, right? I’ll just put some music on…that should give my mind a rest.

Enjoy your summer; you’re never getting it back.

- EJ

Mood: Overwhelmed
Music: Telegraph - Your First Love is Dead