Back on track (sort of).
I visited the gym a while ago, and I could really get used to going there. The problem is just same as ever - who would come with me? I’m a social mover, people!
I guess I just have to suck it up until it becomes a habit. That’s easier said than done, but I’ll try my best. And speaking of which, I just saw a few episodes of Stuck, and this Maxine said something that hit me. Her words were so true and I just had this huge realization.
I don’t remember her exact words, but she was talking about being “the best me”.
And if you’re not the best you, how can you be a best friend, best mother, etc…
She really said it.
Why can’t I be a best friend? Because I’m not the best me yet. I’m not comfortable with myself and I have too low self-esteem. I have to learn how to be the best me just for me, before I can be that to anyone else.
I need to get out of my shell. I need to learn how to be me and let other people see the real me as well. I have to stop hiding. So, from words to action, eh?
Here are just few things I need to learn:
1. To get comfortable around lots of people (that often happens and I become so retiring)
2. Speak up when have something to say (I always think about saying something, but never do)
3. Walk with high heels (I just want to learn that so I can wear pretty shoes!)
4. Stop over-thinking (I do that a lot. It stops me actually getting something done)
Next week will be last week at the clothing store, so after that I still have almost a month to make a progress. I’m already terrified thinking about school. I used to love school. Now I just feel anguished, like I couldn’t breathe. My friends have been making new friends (a talent I used to have) and I feel like I’m becoming an outsider.
Still, I have decided that I’m not going to Panic (You heard about their break up? Ryan and Jon leaving the band? Shocking, and more than just Pretty odd.) over it until a week before the first day.
Next Saturday will be consecrated on shopping. I really, badly do need new clothes. And since I’m trying to change, I decided to try something new. More colorful, maybe. Something I like and feel comfortable in.
Well, we'll see. Today it's just an absolutely-no-life -day, relaxing and getting ready for the next week.
Smile,
-EJ
Mood: Tired
Music: Taking Back Sunday - I'll Let You Live
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